end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
