Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
