i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
