first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize