I bet he comes in French.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
