i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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