Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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