i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize