How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
