Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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