vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
