dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
