last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
did you just send me my own nude
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
