While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
