i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
