Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
