Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
