that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
