They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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