I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
