First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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