walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
