So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
