In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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