Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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