Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
