Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
