I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
