I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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