How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
