yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
