I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
