I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
