she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize