I bet he comes in French.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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