my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
