she woke up with a sticky ear
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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