Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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