I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
