OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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