I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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