I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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