Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
