I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I deserve this hangover.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
