I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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