Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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