what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize