need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
