ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
