Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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