They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
