all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
