my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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