If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The air taste purple.
Randomize
