One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
