The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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