she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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