Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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