You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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