Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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