I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
