I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
