nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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