The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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