my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
