she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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