apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
