I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
