I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize