I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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