from now on my penis is your penis
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
