Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
