I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
