he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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