his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize