SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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