Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
