Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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