Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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