cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
