My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
