Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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