I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
