Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
