The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
