my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
