Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
