if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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