The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
