Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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