I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
