I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
