Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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