I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
